I’m doing this one a little differently. A year ago I kept a live journal while Lyndie and I watched Elf, so I’ll share it with you here.
12/11/2009, 8:40 pm.
0:00:00 – We watched Elf the first time in the theater with work friends. It was one of those terrifically awkward coworker dates where you all know you aren’t going to do it again but you pretend you are. Also, the guy almost peed during the treetopper scene.
0:00:00 – The film is rated PG for “Mild Rude Humor.” Isn’t that most of life? I think mine should have this rating.
0:00:28 – Is there any story you wouldn’t listen to Bob Newhart tell?
0:01:48 – I don’t care for the pre-Ferrell sequence. It is mercifully short.
0:02:27 – My two favorites words in the entire opening credit sequence? “Zooey” and “Deschanel”.
0:04:45 – It is proof Lyndie and I are parents now that all we can think of during the orphanage sequence is all the wrong ways he’s being put to bed.
0:08:36 – Whoever thought of the name Kringle 3000 was WAY too proud of himself.
0:12:21 – I can’t see Bob Newhart without thinking to myself, “This my brother Darrel, and this is my other brother Darrel.”
0:15:15 – Ed Asner just made a joke about people who don’t have feet. Just thought I would share.
0:16:29 – James Caan has aged well, hasn’t he? Is there ANY chance he hasn’t had work done?
0:18:00 – “Bye, Buddy, hope you find your dad,” spoken in that dopey narwhal voice, has been repeated in our household with alarming regularity over the last five years.
0:18:45 – The raccoon scene is hilarious by itself, but it also
reminds me of the Family Guy episode To Live and Die in Dixie, and you either know what I’m talking about or you don’t. Also, it makes me think of my friend Mike trapping a raccoon under a cabin and shooting it with paintballs till it lost its mind, which I don’t approve of but makes a funny story anyway. Hi, I’m from Ohio.
0:19:45 – Can we all agree this Pennies from Heaven sequence is one of the best montages in the history of comedy? “You did it! The world’s best cup of coffee. Wow. Great job, everyone.”
0:23:00 – I desperately hope this line was adlibbed – “Oh, I don’t know, Connie, I’ve never declawed kittens before.” It would make
me much happier to think Amy Sedaris just came up with that on the spot. Totally possible since she’s David Sedaris’ sister.
0:25:41 – The taxi scene is proof that physical comedy never, ever gets old. It will always be funny to watch people fall down and get hurt.
0:30:39 – I’m sorry, but no one – NO ONE – is named Jovie. No one. Said the man with a daughter named Yosi.
0:33:09 – The song has been around for a while, but this duet of Baby, It’s Cold Outside has kicked off a ridiculous number of covers.
0:39:05 – Every time I see James Caan open the gift box and the note says To Someone Special, I just dissolve into giggles.
0:41:00 – We’ll file this under “Things I Need To Do Better In Future Live Journals”. I have at this time mark “Jon Favreau – auteur theory”. I have no idea what the hell that means. I mean, I know what the auteur theory is, but I can’t imagine how I was going to relate it to Jon Favreau. Note to self – keep better notes.
0:44:40 – “Candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup.” This is another line that gets repeated around here way too often.
0:48:10 – “Why don’t you lose the tights as soon as possible.” Which gets taken WAY too literally. This is a great childlike touch, because this is exactly how kids are. Not too long ago I asked Yosi how she slept the night before and she answered, “In my bed.”
1:00:01 – Every office in America has a smart ass who has answered the phone “Buddy the Elf, what’s your favorite color?” since this movie came out. Every damn one.
1:01:30 – Okay, I’ve never understood the whole “Let’s bring in Miles Finch” scene for a number of reasons. First of all, if it was this easy to get the number one children’s writer in the world, why hadn’t they done it before, and why wasn’t everyone doing it? How did this small publishing firm get the money? If they had the money, why were they so desperate? Also, writers have things called contracts. Either Miles Finch has just completed his contract, in which case he would be signing a new one, or he’s breaking it by writing for a competitor. This has always bothered me.
1:05:00 – Zooey Deschanel during the date montage is one of the reasons I believe in God.
1:06:35 – Specifically here.
1:07:45 – I love Peter Dinklage. I just love him. He should have played the midget in In Bruges.
1:12:05 – “I’m sorry I crammed eleven cookies into the VCR.” I am shocked - shocked – that Yosi has never done this.
1:15:40 – I would love to see outtakes of Ed Asner in his Santa suit cussing everyone out between takes. This had to be a hilarious set to work on.
1:17:10 – Buddy mimicking the Bigfoot tape is a nice touch. I wonder how many people get this.
1:21:00 – We’re dead in the middle of the Ten Minutes Where Nothing Is Funny. Always dread it a little bit.
1:26:20 – Are Mary Steenbergen and Mimi Rogers sisters? I need to look this up.
1:31:00 - The “Come here, little one” scene when Buddy sits on his elf-father’s lap? I SO need to do this to my father-in-law. In fact, I’m a little embarressed I haven’t already.
1:37:00 – And that concludes the best Christmas movie of at least the last fifteen years. I defy you to think of a better one in that time frame.